AnaVampire
Just another Tiny Pro Ana Blogs weblog

So this is the third day in a row that i havn’t eaten. I’s still morning, so I’m probably going to end up eating again sometime today, because I’m just now starting to get hungry and not feel too great. All this started when my freaking boyfriend pissed me off and mede me cry because he called me fat. So I didn’t eat all the next day, or the day after that… well I had a few tic-tacs, but they’re like 1.9 cals each I think. This is day three. Last time I went without eating, it was only for a day and I got sick the next morning. Not this time apparently!!! I felt completely FINE yesterday, not even a little bit hungry!!! I was shocked!! This morning is different however. I’m not feeling the best right now. My stomache is probably trying top tell me to eat before I pass out or whatever, but I’ve lost almost 5lbs in 2 day, so I really don’t want to start eating again!! But then again, I am starting to get kinda hungry, and just a little food shouldn’t hurt all that bad, right? Ya know what, I don’t even care right now! I’m with my beautifly little neice and I do not want to set a bad example for her… I’d never want to do that. So I’m going to kill two birds with one stone- 1) satisfy my hunger, and 2) not let anyone know something’s wrong. Speaking of that, I havn’t told my boyfriend that he upset me and made me cry over that, and I really really don’t plan on telling him.

Oh well, it’s breakfest time I guess! Wish Me Luck!!!

So now it’s later. I’ve eaten breakfest, I feel much better now!!! I had a bowel Raisin Brand cereal. It was really yummy, but I don’t know how many claories or fat, or whatever was in it, but I’m guessing/hoping it’s not all that bad. Even if it’s pretty bad, that’s the first food I’ve had in over two days, so I’m pretty sure I’m good. My stomache doesn’t hurt anymore, but I’m still getting really dizzy almost every time I stand up, so that’s not good. But then again, the dizzyness might also be from the very little sleep I’ve been gettin lately. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping it is. OHHHH!!!!!!! I can’t believe I’ve typed all of this without saying anything about how much I weigh now!!! So when I started this, I weighed 165lbs. As of a couple of days ago, I weighed in at 145lbs. BUT!! I weighed myself this morning. I was so happy and excited – I officially weigh 140lbs!!! I’ve finally made it to my first checkpoint goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I just have to set a new goal. Hum… What could it be? I’m gonna say that my secong checkpoint goal is going to be 125lbs. That started out as my final goal, but it’s not anymore, I’ve changed my mind about how thin and skinny I want to be. I want to be as thin as I can possibly be! So. Here goes everything. It’s time to lose another… oh. my. god. I just realised that I’ve officially lost 25lbs!!!!!! Holy Shiz!!! Now I just have to lose 15lbs? Is my math correct? That sounds right… yep, it is. So if/when I make that goal, I’ll have lost a total of 40lbs!!!!! Holy crap!!! That’s insane!!! Insanity… Can’t wait Wish Me Luck!!!

I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to be thin. I want my dream body. I want all of this to come true, but I’m running out of patience!! I’m getting fed up with this! It’s taking too long! I want it, and I want it NOW!!! I know it’s not gonna happen like that, I know I have to keep working at it and just wait, but the waiting is getting on my nerves!!!!! I’ve never been a very patient person, but now it’s really starting to show! I’m sick of this!!! I’m not gonna quit, but I’m just soooo…… jaded!

UGH!!! Anyways, I’ve been having personal life problems lately that I was going to type about, but I’m out of time for right now, so I guess I’ll have to do it later. Wish Me Luck!!

Yep, that’s right! I”m happy today!! Today is a good day!!!! AAHHHHH!!! I found out this morning that I have officially lost a whole TWENTY POUNDS!!!  That’s just amazing to me! Espically sence I really havn’t been seriously thinking about losing weight that much! I’ve recently converted to being a vegetarian about… 3 weeks ago? I’m hoping that’ll maybe help me lose some weight, but that’s not the main reason I’m doing it, just so you know. Um… I’m kinda distracted by games and by my boyfriend right now, so I guess I’ll try to write some more later! Wish Me Luck!!!

Hello… again. I feel like a such a failure for coming back and returning to my old ana life, but then again SO proud that even while I wasn’t really thinking about ana and trying to drastically lose weight like I was before, I’ve still lost weight!! I don’t know when I started all of this, but in however long, I’ve officially lost 18 lbs!!! I’m down to 147now!!! This is the smallest I can remember weighing after I stopped growing! I’m so proud!! And I haven’t even had any bad binges!!! I even survived the 4th of July without gaining anything!!! But just for the record, that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I’m a newly converted Vegetarian! This is also another thing I’m proud of. I went to this Ranch place about a week ago and it totally made me sick, they had all these cute little animals and everything that we got to pet and mess with. And then they said that all of those animals were to be killed and either sold for their meat, or to be eaten right there on the Ranch. I was horrified. Totally horrified.

Anyways!! I’ll probably end up coming back to this site and blog some more later, maybe in a few days. BUT. As always Wish Me Luck!!!

Exactly what the title says. I am done!!!! I am putting it all behind me starting right this second! It’s all totally over! I found the perfect reason to give it all up!  I finally found him!!! This has been the best five days/nights of my whole life I do believe. I have finally found my perfect reason to stay exactly the way I am. He actually loves me for me. Fat and all!!! I didn’t believe it at first, but now I believe it with all my heart. And my heart belongs to him and only him… dear god don’t let him break it.

There was a school trip today. It was all well and good. I didn’t eat any snacks. I just sat on the bus and jammed out to my MP3 player. But then once the trip was over, they took us out to lunch before we went back to school. I feel like total shit right now. I ate way too much, more than I have in like 3 or 4 weeks! We went to a pizza place… and I really really like pizza. I ended up eating 6 fucking slices of pizza. I slightly hate myself am super pissed off at myself. UGH!!!!

Sry, don’t have time to write anymore, might update this post tmro or something

So the whole gonna update thing didn’t really work out great….. yeah, sorry bout that

It’s Wednesday agin. But there’s not church youth group tonight. So how the hell am I sposed to get around having to eat dinner when my mother is already on the verge of freaking out over me losing 10 pounds? I feel like she’s watching me ever move around food, and that I could break her if I don’t eat! For the last few days I’ve been really really good, I’ve only been eating 500 cals a day (plus stuff like milk), and I’ve drank at least one glass of water every day.

It’s later from when I wrote that ^, but I still have the same problem-eating. I’m hoping it will just work itself out, but I seriously doubt that it will. Crap. Crap. Crap. I don’t want to go over my 500 cals for today, but I’m sure as hell not going to ask how many are in my sandwich! I just can’t not eat all of it either! I’ve always had a really big appetite and if that just suddenly changes, my parents will flip out! The cups have a cal cound bout the sandwiches don’t they? Could I maybe just go off of that? But then again, I order before I get a drink! UGH!!! Dilemma!!! Right now, the only thing I can think of that might actually work is if mom & dad just forget that today’s Wednesday. Wish me luck!

Now I am forced to say I was totally and completely wrong to doubt the awesome power of my dear friend, Ana. In three weeks of non-extreme dieting and next to no excersising, I have officially lost a whole TEN lbs! I’m so happy! I was freaking out for half the day when I found out! It took me 22 days to lose 10 pounds… could I maybe lose another 10 lbs in a shorter amount of time? Maybe just in 2 weeks instead of 3. Could I do it? Maybe more strict of a diet? Actually excersise for once in my life? By the time this summer’s over, I might actually have a body I wouldn’t be ashamed to go swimming with. Maybe, just maybe I’ll have a bikini body by next summer! There are 5 sets of 3 weeks until August 23rd. If I lose 10lbs every 3 weeks, I’ll have lost 50 lbs!!! I’d be 105lbs!!! Oh my god!!! That’d be amazing!!! I’d LOVE to be that thin, to weigh that little! The thing is (yeah, I know, there’s always a thing) that might be just a tad too thin, for me anyways.

The weekend. Oh my god, the stupid fucking weekend. It seems like every time I’m at home on the weekend, I eat more than I do during the weekdays combined! It’s horrible! I have an addiction to food that I am trying so hard to break, but there are limits on what I can do and how far I can go, and that just makes it harder. I’m not able to do the kind of dieting I want to do because I’m so restricted by my living with my freaking parents! If I were in college or if I lived on my own, I think it would be much easier, but NOOOO I have to be freaking 16 years old and live in a house where i have virtually no freedom. Perfect, just so fucking perfect. If I were older, I could join a gym and actually workout like I should be doing.  Ugh. As much as I want to be thin, food is just so damn good! I can’t seem to stay away from it from more than 5 or 6 days! Which, just so happens to be the 5 weekdays and then maybe, if i’m lucky, either Saturday or Sunday, but most definitely not both. Never both, I can never stay away from food on both Saturday AND Sunday, as much as I wish I could.

I meant to post yesterday, but I simply ran out of time. I was going to say something about my new relationship with Ana, but but my last few seconds online showed me something, something that almost had me in tears, and not because it was sad, just because I was totally not expecting it. I don’t know how, but my computer apparently decided that it wanted me to look at my Comments page. I didn’t get to read them (I have now), but the simple face that people I don’t know, and that don’t know me, would take time out of their lives to read my little blog and to try and help me on my quest, it just amazes me! Before I go on to anything else, I just wanted to say Thank You to every single person who reads and (espically) comments on what I have to say. Thank You!
And here goes my regular posting! yea. As far as I can think right now, I’ve been doing pretty darn good! I’ve been eating smaller portions at dinner, and having a small, healthy snack (like grapes). Grapes are good right? I’ve only glanced at a list of neg cal foods, but I’m still not really sure about how much of anything(not just the neg cals) I can get away with eating, and I’m not sure how much of my regular foods I can eat. Anyone have a link to a site with a good list? Or do you have a list? And if a food is… well, if it’s not bad for you, how much of it can I have? Like grapes? There’s sugar in them isn’t there? I know there is in bananas. I’ve been counting my food, and writing down everything I eat, and yesterday I had 52 grapes. Exactly 52. Sounds like too much, but they’re grapes they can’t do that much harm… right? Better than snacking on whatever else happens to be in the kitchen. Oh, and then there’s this thing I read about yoga being really really good for you and it helps with diets. Is that true? If it is, where can I go to learn some really good yoga moves without having to join a gym or anything like that? I guess that’s all I have to say right now, so, as always – Wish Me Luck!