My Motivation

Hi everyone, I havent posted in awhile

Ive kept gaining. Ive been so stressed and upset lately that I’ve turned to food to console myself. Every night after work (a stress inducing hellhole) I come home and eat, and eat, and eat. Last night within an hour I ate 2 cinnamon rolls, 2 chocolate biscotti, a mini pizza, and crab meat. Totaling atleast 1000 calories. Like, What The Hell.I need to learn to deal with my stress in a different way, instead of eating. This morning, I also woke up stressed out due to lack of sleep and no where to go in my house due to the cable man coming early and needing to work in my room. The result? A hot chocolate, a biscotti, 3 turkey sausages, and 4 pieces of turkey bacon. 300 cals in an hour. Fuck.

I really need some buddies to stay on track. I can do text, email, aim, msn, anything really. I just really need some girls I can talk to so I can keep away from food. Please help me stay strong.

I go back to school in a week, and Im almost at the same weight I started at this summer. I went from 121, to 109, and now back up at 117. What happened? Im such an idiot. I was so close to my goal of 105, and messed it up. My hip bones no longer jut out and my collar bones are fading fast. My lovehandles are forming again as well.

Please be a buddy?

xox Dana

I havent lost a thing since last week. In fact, I gained .2 lbs

Fat ass. Lard. Worthless.

Failure

Tomorrow’s plan:

Wake up

Take vitamins – 15cal

Breakfast: 2 egg whites – 30 cal

Snack: Smoothie + Apple – 300 cal

Lunch/Dinner before work: Stir Fry Veggies (broccoli, bean sprout, snow peas, onion, mushroom) – >100

Work

Snack after work: something under 100 cal

total: 545~550 cal

Work out for atleast a 1/2 hour = 200 cal burned

= 350ish cals

Lets hope I can stay on track

xox

Ive been watching a bunch of documentaries on youtube lately. “Thin” was a really good one about girls in treatment centers. Its sad too cuz one of the girls died after the documentary was made

I baked brownies today and pigged out on them. But then I only had like 2 bites of dinner (steamed veggies), and then burned 400 calories during my hour of cardio today, so Im feeling pretty good.

Right now I have an eggwhite mask on my face, trying to beautify myself. I need to have a better body image about myself, and Im going to try to do so through pampering. I had bought a big jar of Philosophy’s Double Rich Hot Chocolate Body Wash and used it today in my shower and it smelled so good, and actually helped soothe my cravings for sweets. Im glad I bought it.

The pictures from the photoshoot we did at work finally went up on facebook. Surprisingly I looked really good, except for 1 picture where my thighs look gigantic. Other than that, they look really good though. I feel like I actually am pretty in them. Hooray for not feeling entirely shitty about myself

Thinspo of the day:

she looks so happy! thin = happy (:

xox

going out to dinner at a buffet. dear god please help me.

Made a smoothie this morning.. it had
1 pommegranate berry yogurt = 80 cal
1 cup of blueberries = 83 cal
12 raspberries = 12 cal
5 tbsp 1% milk = 35 cal
= 210 cals..
I didnt realize blueberries had so many cals in them. I thought it was only about 60 cals.. Oh well, its delicious and lasts a long time.

I was thinking last night, and I want to be frail and beautiful and doll-like for my boyfriend. I found out that I get to see him this weekend, and OF COURSE we have to go hang out with his family. I want to feel confident and just sit there at the party, not eating and being beautiful. Thats how I always imagine myself to be. But as of right now Im a fat selfconcious blob.

Thinspo of the day:

xox

I baked a cake today. I love baking, and it actually distracts me from thinking about food, believe it or not. I love to decorate and layer and stuff, so I made a dark chocolate cake filled with creme de mint buttercream frosting and chocolate frosting on top with a cute little border design and polka dots made with pure cocoa. I only ate little tastes of frosting to see how much more sugar, or flavoring I needed, so I didnt even ingest that many calories. Making the frosting yourself kinda allows you to see how BAD it is for you. The frosting is literally a stick of butter and 1/2 a bag of powder sugar with a splash of milk. SO BAD.

I did end up having 2 small slices today, which I guess equals 1 normal slice, but I hadnt had much else before that. Afterwards though I had a mini binge that included 1 oz pasta, 1 meatball, 1 tbsp peanutbutter and 2 tbsp strawberry preserves and an apple. So im guessing I went over 1000 cals today. If the cake was 500, the pasta and meatball another 250, then the apple is 100 and the pb and j is 260… that equals.. a lot. Plus I had had an apple before work and during my break I got a large skinny iced latte, which was probably like 200 cals.

I need to start eating healthy. More veggies, more veggies, more veggies.

I also decided Im only going to weigh myself on Thursdays. I will put my measurements up every week on my About page

Heres the thinspo of the day: pretty pretty legs and face

xox Dana

Every day this week I have had an apple and a smoothie for breakfast. Im obsessed. Sadly, we ran out of blueberries, apples and peaches today when I made my last smoothie. Hopefully mom will buy more fruits. Ive been eating TONS of fruit, but no veggies. I need to eat more veggies.

Yesterday I did ok. Didnt eat much until dinner, where I ate some pasta and meatballs. The meatballs are from this meatmarket thats really fresh and its all absolutely delicious. I couldnt help myself and had 4 meatballs. They were atleast 100 calories Im guessing, so my dinner had to be like 700. So my total for the day was around.. 1200 maybe?
Then minus 350 from the hour of cardio I did, so under 1000 yesterday, which is A LOT better than I have done in a long time.

I have work today 5-9 so Ill be able to skip dinner, but Ill eat something before I go in because Im on my feet a lot, and its going to be so busy considering its a friday night at the mall.

xox Dana

ps: how do you post pictures on your blog? let me know!

Edit:

Just scarfed down 2 peanutbutter and strawberry preserve english muffins. I havent had peanutbutter and jelly in FOREVER and I just had the worst craving for them. It was SO delicious. But now I am way over cals and need to make sure I only eat low cal the rest of the day. Wish I could purge, but its bad, so I wont.

I havent been super active here, and I vow to change that. I miss blogging and all your comments (:

So I am going to revamp my blog page a bit. Im currently uploading my thinspo and will have my thinspo picture of a day, a page of my safe foods, and stats about myself

Took my diet pills that I havent taken since school. I only have 6 left, so thats 2 a day for 3 days. I may possibly go out and get more. School is in less than a month. I want to be beautiful, just like all of you girls. I must rid myself of the fat that covers me and show the real me to everyone.

New hope, new beginnings.
I vow to…
Never purge, or give myself a reason to purge
Exercise as much as possible
Eat to live, not live to eat
Post in this blog once a day (atleast!)
If I want to eat because im bored, do 20 squats instead
Look at my thinspo daily

love you girlies, you are all so strong (:
xox Dana

PS: How do you put pictures on your blog? Ive been trying and trying and cant do it!!

Kittycat died last night. She was suffering and had internal bleeding and was breathing terrible. My mom woke me up and we stayed with her for her last half hour. More crying. Poor kitty. We had her for 18 years. She was like my sibling since I am an only child.

Made a smoothie, ate like a 1/4 of it. Im sad. The smoothie total is 200 cals. So ive had maybe 50. Its pretty big too, about the size of 2 large coffee mugs.

stay pretty girls