HEY BABES!!
i think i love my new tanning loation! just to let you know ~
today is a good strong day… nothing can stop me today, i feel like i could dance on the very air. .. my top abs are finally coming in . . doing abs back and chest today at the gym…. I should be there a while! Yesssss … maybe ill even get to read tpaf while I run again! Yay! I hope you all are so good ,~~~~i love to be back on track! <3 Ossa!
I’m here all in red , ready to fight my most deceitful enemy; myself. I have been here and gone the past few weeks due to work school starting and a sad small quest for something different and happiness. . I remember now that I shunned all that a long time ago for a reason. In these past few weeks my ED has twisted and grown … it was in the first week to cope with working with people that eat more fat and candy in a day then I would in a week. .. Then I think it was for safety and comfort . . I was spiraling out of my most precious control. .. Somehow as we all do , I grabbed the carpet and got the world to quit spinning. . Slowly now I can commence to constructing my dutiful cage one bar at a time. Until It gets rattled apart next semester as it always does. .. I bought my own private small gym membership here now … I can’t go back to the big one and do real work… something about too many others seeing my transformation, and being pushy while I lovingly patiently sand my body to bones. Speaking of the gym my knee still hurts … every time I work out … it has slowed the process but I will still see results . I have to . it’s almost Friday… by next Friday I want to be at the very most 135 again … no more of this well I can still see my bones just fine and eat this or that….. in reality if I eat they go away or will. My food scale will be here by Friday I think, we are taking it to the next level … its time to get serious and stop being a little pig. Here is to letting the cold take me away.
Much love to all of you who read and are still here, as well as to those who are new.
<3 Ossa
Last few days have been a whirl of crazy .. School is busy I miss the summer … Well what I have had of it .. Have not worked outnin days and I am just trying to get by .. I can’t wait for it all to calm down … You can bet your tiny pants that I am working out today ! Hard ! And news flash ****I am soo in love with my veggies lol time to get movin and shrink! hope you all are feeling beautiful and empty today . <3 ossa
=======update! =====
i made a 10 cal soup ..
Bouillon cubes (5 cals each) -2
Celery 1 stick –nothing
2 green onions … not many either … = yum large bowl of goodness. And added bonus its warm.. <3
In other news I am re dedicated so hard it hurts … I dunno why but I like it!
Omg ! Girls I am texting u from my iPod at the gym!!! On the tredmill!!! it’s been soo long since I could do such a thinng it is really a great part of life . 11 min miles today as I text away .. Not becUse I am texting but my knee feels blown out:( every step is fire .. But it must be done ! I’ll takE the rest of the week thin and work lite . Anyhow so i was hangin with mom today and she looks over and says let’s go get your hair done ! Yes pleAse!! – went to this wayyy big bucks lady. And got golden blond over my dark hair ./ Lets talk I’m almost all light now:) it looks soo good! I love it! Also getting back down to my low weight! Starving strong next week ! Get to go home where there are no eyes! Guys I’m soo happy! I even did well on cals net 300 ish maybe ! Hope you are all well and having good days ! Much love but I have to take this fire knee and burn out some 9 min miles … It hurts less now that I have a running high
I am sorry again for not commenting on your blogs right now , it seems we are all having soo much going on
Today I had about 7-800 cals … It kills me to not be able to choose where I go for lunch.. But that’s ok or would be if I didn’t pass out the second I got home. . No good workout I may burn 100 or so doing floor work… It’s like in the end I doubt this will put any weight on me… But at this point is that even a victory? -no
Hope you are all good , it sure sounds that way from most of the blogs .. Much<3 ossa
Today was good food wise net 200ish cals and a nice hard work out in.
I can’t thank you gals enough for the strength and support you have given me- you are my wings
i also plan on doing some serious blog reading in the am:) yay!
Other then that….. My day was like one punch in the face after another and a huge family fight … It killed me . I can’t wait to run back to my cozy non conflict filled life. … Just have to make it till Monday . Hope all you waifs are doing great stay strong and much <3 ossa
im doing ok today … but am on the very edge. one bad thing could push me into full binge mode.
if i stick to it ill be a bit over -600 cals. . god i hope i can . .. i just have no energy and no will power this week.
i cant even read the blogs today… it kills me to see all of you doing soooooooo well and think yourselves failures when im THIS.
ugh. wish me luck. <3 Ossa
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good news and bad.
good…. i made a freakin A on my class i though i was going to fail!!!!! hells yeah.
i am also making a quilt to keep from eating. OOOOHHHH YEAH! lol
Bad—
family had pizza to celebrate… i ate some…. blew my whole day…
i also felt ill ish again and didnt go to the gym…. gah whats wrong with me!?!
the quilt shit cost sooo much that now i cant buy my food scale this week….. i didnt know that till after …. or i sooo would have got the scale. . boo.
– other good news…… monday is going to be low cal i dont care if i have to drug myself till near death. .. I WILL EAT ONLY A BIT! lol… hope u all are well. and it is good to aim / msn back 2 sq and good girls. you two are great ! <3 Ossa
Oh if this prof only knew the stress he is giving me by not posting my grades .. If he only knew I have been eating for 2 days strait .. Of he only knew this has been the worst week of my life.. Untill next week when I look at the scale. … He might not slack so much in doing so … Till then I die inside and try to filthe anxiety with any food that’s left in the house. And sleep as much as possible inorder to stop the binge. 
I don’t want my bones to go away why can’t I stop?
Hope you all are well <3 ossa
Today I feel incredibly , intolerably obese .
This breaks my heart
I dunno if it is the puffy supplement or me being just weak and fat
I hate this.
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after i wrote this , because i knew some how today there was no stopping the binge. i tried any way. oh god i tried every trick in the book .
lets talk 100% full on fail . the fail that is huge and is why im huge and is just huge .
chips , candy , cookies . subway. kill me now im fat. how will i ever be ok like this. ?? guilt is full swing. .. no way to get rid of it. . NONE .
many factors went into this one , stress , work , lack of sleep , being sad about being fat , ect. even a little about being happy ( about school stuff) gay. the work out will be crazy hard today .
I hope to write more in the am. Things still crazy here. I feel better today max200 net cals … Did good and will be hella sore I’m sure from the gym… Miss being able to be on here so much <3 ossa ps I soo have a story to post. Omg