i’m so sorry i havent been on in 73275923years :( i needed to stay off for awhile and see how i could manage. buuuuttt i’m back! things have been crazy, for the most part. summer school crazy household eating like a fatass  768674problems ugh. alll that.

i just wana say its so weird how i can do so so good bymysef, i can go for soooo long without eating or even thinking of food, but of course the second someones around, i eat eat eat. for example, in summer school i’ll eat so much, someoone will ask me if i want some food.. i say yes and pig out, ugh i neeeed to stoppppppppp. good thing is  i’ll have the house to myself tomorrow.nothing will passs my lips unless its water or green tea.  so happy about that.

i’ll post tomorrow, and update how i’m doing.

if anybody wants to text or facebook me.. asssskkkkk away

xox

fuck

i’m doing so horrible. horrible horrible horrible

i havent weighted myself in forever, im so terrified too.

and i havent been eating good, at all.

jesus. fuck this, fuck that, fuck food, fuck everything

sorry about that. i’m just reallly pissed off right now, almost livid.ok i’ll try to post later on more postive things, than just saying fuck about everthing.

keep up the goood work yall, i read these blogs like its my jobb, i really really love them. you doolls keep me motivated.  xoxrach

am and look disgusting.

no food no non no no nonono nonono. seriously

running and working out as much as possible

i need more motivation, someone there, by my side.

ugh i’m not as happy.. i’m getting further and further from that. not having the best day.

 idk what to do i just i dont know

i was in bed last night, tossing and turning and completely broke down.

i havent broken down in awhile, i had the worst urge to go back to cutting.

i didnt though, because i wouldve had to get up and mom wouldve heard me, and she’d come in and see why i was up. ugh, im still fighting that urge right now. i dont wana go back to oldhabits, i dont want to go though seeing my boyfriend through all that pain. and everything. but last time i went back to that habit, nobody knew. i’m a mess, screw up , fatpig, horrible. i’m horrible. right now i’m reading a book called by the time you read this i’ll be dead, by julie anne peters. books sad.

okay well today was alright. lets see i had under around under 500cals. did alright. obviously can do better though, tomorrow nothing is going past my mouth unless its liquids.promise. i’m going to dads so that’ll be easy. im gona see if we can go shopping, i need a new bathingsuit, WAH i’m scared about trying them on though im yuckkkkky. tomorrow morning im gonna weigh myself, i havent inawhile. i’ll get on in the morning and post, bc im deff not gona at dads bc i dont want him finding this site and such.okay. im gona read. paint my nails. excerise.facebook.something

xoxrach

no more regents! ah summmmer finally. it feels good. no stressing over work and studying and such, and moreeee time sleeeeping and more time running and weightroom&excersising

i can finally focus on myself and body image ( UGH). moms bestfriend is coming up to visit and shes bringing her kids, i NEED to look my absolute best. seriously. no more fatty high calorie  foods going into my mouth.

i’m gonna try out the rainbow diet, i reallly wanna start it tomorrow, and just go with tomorrow being a “monday” and so on, but who knows. maybe i wont eat much till next mon. then start it , yes? no? idddkkk maybe i’ll lose more if i do that.

okay i need to go distract my self from stuffing anything else into my mouth.  facebook dolls, text toooo. ask away.

thinkthinnnnnngirlys xoxrach

okay, so dads gonna pick me up in the morning, we’re most likely gonna go to starbucks. probably gona get one of those 0 calteas. so goood. and no food. if we go out for dinner, i’m onlyyy getting salad and eat about half. ugh hopefully we do go out, instead of being stuck at his house with whatever food there is.

sooo tomorrows plan:

wake up, run run run run run

starbucks noooo fatty snacks from there, only teaaaaaa.

then  dads house try to go on another run

drink water. an hopefully get through dinner okay

then of course workout later tomorrow night.

aahhh i hope i do welll, and i hope you dolls are doing welll tooooo<3

xoxrach

was not good, food wise. uh ate too much. i think it was mainly because i was with boyfriend and he usually comments on how i don’t eat as much.. HELLOOO do you see this fat lardness hanging off of me, of course i’m gonna eat lessss. aahakjjkf. as much as i love him, i could never tell him about this. it’d be too hard.

anyway i’m having sooo many cravings. i dont know if i should just give in and binge then start over tomorrow. =/ i’m trying to distract myself in billions of ways. but of course it all comes down to food again

and again

and again

i think i’m gonna go write in my journal,havent done that inawhile. and maybe even work on my binder. or just go straight to bed. and sleep through all of tomorrow, just so i can say i got through one day with nothing in my tummy.

my gross huge ugly fatty disgusting fatinfested tummy

go away fat. melt away. FAR FAR FAR FAR away and never comeback. i want my hipbones showing 10xmore. sharp pointy, so can feel the edges of them and know there isnt fat around them. i want that so badly. why can’t this just be easy as 1  2  3. please.

 think thin ,T H I N T H I N T H I N T H I N T H I N T H I N…

xoxrach

feeel so yucky. i just want to eat eat and eat and eat .NO NO NO thoughhhhh.

never went on my run today, thunderstorm. gaaahhh. hopefully i’ll get one in tomorrow morning before geometry review&regents. UGH i’m probably going to fail terrribly.

i’m pretty sure i overate today =/ i don’t even want to go near counting all of the calories and weighing myself, i’ll weigh myself friday and i HOPE my weight is down.

D

O

W

N

uh. anybody up for talking? xoxrach

today was alrightt. global regents was pretty easy, two more regents to go then summmer! so happy about that. earlier i went for a run. i had to have done about 4-5 miles. felt so good after. hopefully gonna run in the morning, possibly even go to the weight rooom? i hope. anyways i just want to let alll you girls know that i read alll your blogs, you all keep me so motivated, i always always get on when i’m feeling hungry or shitty, and just by reading the blogs, it makes me feel soo much bettter. even though i don’t even know you girlls, it’s like i do in a way. weird, but true. hope you all are doing good though, and i wish you luckkkk <3

xoxrach.

by the waayyy, im constantly on facebook( its so addicting haha) just asskk and i’ll tell you my full name, i’d LOVE to chat with you dollss.

i should be studying for my global regents since its tomorrow, but cant concentrate at allll. ugh today was my last day of school, it deff wasnt the greatest. right now i feeel like complete shit. ive had TOOO many calories, im trying to flush everything out . WORK ALREADDYYYY. yuck yuck yuck.

i feel like im gonna puke too, sounds like a plan to me. then attempt to study then workout then bed. gaaaaah.

 i hope all you girlls are doing alot better than i am thoughh, reallly wishh you alll luck <3

xoxrach