You know, I know that purging sucks really really bad, I know this. But sometimes I just wish that I could purge. Now, I’ve given purging it’s fair shot. I’ve tried everything to purge this side of Ipecac. I’ve used my fingers, toothbrush, pens, I’ve even swallowed something tied to a string and pulled it back up. Each time, I fucking gag my eyes out, but nothing seems to come up. Apparently my stomach is a fucking Spartan.
But here’s the reason I wish I could purge. I mean, most of the time, I could care less because it just doesn’t come up. But the thing is, sometimes I just want to fucking binge. Just taste everything, feel the feeling of chewing it, swallowing it, feeling it land in my stomach.. over and over and over… and then I could purge and it wouldn’t count. But I can’t purge, so I can’t ever just eat a plate of cookies and negate it. It scares me because I know that binges are inevitable. I try to avoid them as much as possible, but I know that eventually they are going to occur. But I can’t fucking negate them. They’ll occur and I’ll be fucking stuck with the calories.
Today I wanted to binge so fucking fucking bad. I sat there, I had all the binge food lined up. I had them in the order that I was going to eat them. I fondled them. I FUCKING FONDLED THE FOODS. But I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I imagined myself trying for 20 minutes to purge like I have in the past unproductively and I just couldn’t.
Fucking kill me.
WHY DOES EVERY GODDAMN FUCKING THING WE EAT HAVE TO BE GODDAMN FUCKING FRIED?! WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCK?! I mean, culinary advances are such that we have developed other ways of heating food.
You know, that’s why I’m thankful that I spend most of my time alone. I mean, yeah, I live with other people, but straight up, 98% of my days are spent alone. Well, by myself, I’m usually able to talk to people whenever I feel that I need to so I’m not really alone.
But it’s good that I spend all this time alone otherwise I’d fucking blow up and say, “CHRIST! FUCKING FRIED FOOD AGAIN? HAVE YOU SEEN THAT WE HAVE A FUCKING OVEN?! HOLY SHIT BALLS!” And no one wins there.
Things that are currently pissing me off:
My dry skin
Fried foods
The fact that if you weigh yourself on carpet it isn’t accurate
And that is that
Don’t you just hate when it’s late at night, you can’t sleep and all you fucking see are fucking Taco Bell commercials? It’s a goddamn conspiracy, that’s what it is.
I can’t wait for Autumn. Favourite time of year, it is. It’ll start to cool off and then I’ll be able to enjoy my long walks again. And then Halloween will arrive and I’ll be ever so joyous!
Things I’m currently obsessing over:
Hello Kitty
Halloween
Documentaries about drug use
Crayola crayons
And that is that!
Hello all! This post is coming to you from my Blackberry!
As some of you may or may not know, watching documentaries is one of my biggest obsessions. I’ve been trying to download this one documentary called Perfect Illusions for quite a few days now… Well, it has been stuck at 96% so I decided to just give up on it. I suppose I’ve got most of the documentary with that. I’ve found it to buy on Amazon, so I’ll probably do that in a few days.
That’s about all I can think of to say for now.
And that’s that.
Ok, be prepared for a sort of ranted post.
So. Here’s what is currently pissing me off:
There are some giant butt holes who keep trying to screw with the members of this site. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “How do they find the time to keep this up?” I have no answer for this other than to assume that they are unemployed and obviously not doing much to remedy that.
Now, fortunately, the queefs who are working ever so hard at “trolling” PAO members and the “owner” of PAO don’t really have much going on; so their “trolling” won’t make anyone famous or anything. We’re not about to get another Jessi Slaughter situation. Consequences will ALWAYS be the same. I’m not really worried about backtracing any of their shit and reporting it to the internet police.
But at the same time, it sure is goddamn irritating. Like when there is a fly in the restaurant you’re eating in and you have to constantly fight it off and keep it away from your food. Does it completely ruin the experience? No- but it sure would have been more pleasant without it.
In conclusion, the crap filled vaginas who are sitting on their tumblr and twitter accounts just rolling in their own “successful” trolling are completely pathetic. Does it bother me? Yeah, a little- enough for me to want to blog about it. But realistically, I know that they are nothing more than little bitch holes who can suck my ass barf.
And that is that.
I find all my old Tamagotchi toys. 3 of them and one Giga Pets toy. I’m totally just reliving my childhood, it’s wonderful. But they are worse than children. I mean, they need more attention than a kid. And I know. I watch kids all the time.
Anyway, some random unknown number called me twice and hung up. What the hell? I don’t recognise the area code, but I kinda have a feeling it was from out of state… and I base that on absolutely nothing.
Well, I’ve been trying to drink more green tea. I found this box of green tea that had all these wonderful flavours. I tried this one kind called Orange Passion Jasmine Green Tea. It was actually not that bad. I usually hate green tea, but I can actually drink this and not gag. That is probably a good sign.
I wish that good TV shows came on Saturdays. Nothing, it’s all on the weekdays. Sundays sometimes, but not usually. I mean, the Simpsons are off season right now.
Who the hell buys 3 boxes of donut sticks? My dad’s wife, that’s who.
I got on the elliptical at the gym yesterday and I swear, I pulled a muscle from it. It isn’t my groin per se, but it’s like, the inner thigh right by the groin. It is only on the left side… pretty sure I pulled it. I don’t really remember ever pulling a muscle in the past, so I don’t really have anything to compare it with… but yeah, I think that’s what this is.
Anyway, it was really fun. I don’t usually go to a gym, I just work out at home. But yeah, I was working out on the treadmill after the elliptical hurt me and I was watching Dr. Phil. It was great, in fact, Dr. Phil is on right now, and I really want to be working out right now. lol.
But the gym is so damn expensive. I got a 7 days free pass, but it’s like 30 bucks a month, plus ten dollars in gas to get there every day. It’s like 30 minutes away. Gah.
My dad said that I could put the treadmill he bought in my room. I’m kind of considering it. The incline is messed up on it though, kinda makes me mad. I can’t remember if he bought an exercise bike also.. I should ask him. Anyway, I’m currently at a normal weight, so he just thinks I’m exercising to help my heart (I have a heart condition) so he’s all for it.
But yeah, Dr. Phil makes me wanna work out. lol
Bored bored bored. The satellite is out and Dr. Phil will be on in an hour and I’m going to miss it because the satellite is out. Unless it comes back on… it might.
My brother needs to go and see what’s wrong and then fix what is wrong so it won’t be wrong anymore.
Anyway, I think I’m going to finally break down and join a gym. I’ve got two other friends who go and I’m like, “we’ll all go together!” So yeah, 30 bucks a month pretty much. I’m gonna pay month to month, I don’t wanna do that stupid contract bullshit. One month I might not be able to go, ya know. I’ll make them OBEY!
I’m kind of excited, I’m going there tomorrow with my buddies. They’ve got like, a seven day free pass, so I’m gonna do that and then start to pay for it next week. It’ll help for those really hot days because ya know.. it’s air conditioned…
I say that a lot. Yeah. And nothing against queers or anything, hell, I have sex with a queer.
Yeah, she and I are dating and there’s this guy that won’t stop texting me. I got drunk one night and sent him some weird messages about sex and now he WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE.
Anyway, FUCKING PLATEAU. I’ve been considering taking these laxatives to get off this plateau. The only thing is, laxatives make you shit your insides out, and I don’t really look forward to that. I mean, every time I take laxatives and they take effect, I wonder why I took them. But I keep taking them, like some kind of dumbass.
In conclusion, Nickelback is like that biggest douche bag band. It’s like, the second I find out someone is a fan of Nickelback, I start to see other reasons why they are a douche bag. Things I overlooked before I realised that they’re favourite song is that stupid “Photograph” song they sing